It Just Hits You

Here I am, laying around now for the 3rd day in a row. 4 months post HA. My heart has decided to remind me it’s in control and not me.

I know I can sleep up to 12 hours a night, I’m averaging 9-10 hours of sleep. If I try to shorten that time, this is what happens, exhaustion, full on need sleep as much as possible. This time I ended up with a sinus infection last week which is adding to the exhaustion.

Gym is not possible right now. Last Wednesday was my last day at the gym, I made it 45 minutes before I finally caved and stopped. I know I will feel better if I can get some cardio in, but it looks like one more day before I can try. Here are the times you remember you had a HA, not just go in and get a stent, full on HA. I remember before my HA I would constantly be tired, it started a few months before, but I now remember how tired I was. It was slightly different then the exhaustion you feel after a HA, but it’s there. If you feel tired, not ever seeming to catch up on sleep, bring it up to your dr, they won’t know unless you tell them. I keep thinking, if I would have caught this before my HA I wouldn’t be laying here 3 days in a row. Why did I keep insisting it was other issues, getting older, putting on weight, working differently? I had been going to my dr, had a checkup 3 months before. Why didn’t I say, I’m tired more, carpel tunnel is waking me up with sharp pains in my arms? What if I said this seems odd, instead, I was my own dr and said what it was. For some women after a HA they have many emotions and for me, I get upset with myself knowing I had the history and not talking with my dr more. Even if I would have said something 1 week earlier I could have prevented the damage to my heart that has now made me have to recoup longer. I’ve had people say, but you got a stent you’re good, um, yes I’m alive. Unfortunately, I had the HA, I damaged my heart, I did this. Here is the thing, I have heard people say, “my body did this to me”. No, it didn’t. Now before you yell at me for this, there are some instances that yes your body gave out or produced something, but I have heart disease in my family, not a little bit, full strength heart disease. My fathers first HA was when he was 37, in 1999 they removed the lower section of his heart because the first HA caused so much damage it was dead. He died of heart disease with a heart pump keeping him alive, my Uncle Kenny died of a widow maker, my Uncle Donnie had 5 bypasses and thank goodness my Aunt Karen insisted on Uncle Donnie to visit his dr, he didn’t walk out of his dr appointment, he rode in a ambulance to the hospital for open heart surgery and he is here with us today. Here is what’s crazy, I always said I would have a HA, I would take after dad, I don’t know why, it’s just what I thought. I didn’t once think I would be 48 years old though. Listen to your body, I don’t want you laying around because you’re so exhausted, it’s all you can do. Its not, you only live once, that’s not true, you live every day, you wake up every day to live.

I’m a Netflix girl right now, unfortunately reading is something I’m struggling with because of focusing and falling asleep, i can’t get past one page. When you do take the time and relax, what do you do?